She was just under a year old. Nine, ten, or eleven months old. I was home alone, playing with her on the bed. Hot summer month. I was in.my shorts, she in her diaper. Somehow I fell asleep. She fell asleep too on my chest.
Then she did her business in her diaper. It was one of those semi - watery generous offers. You wonder how such a mountainous quantity of poo left such a little body. The poo woke her. I was snoring away. How she slid from my chest, undid her diaper, and proceeded to turn that poo into Daddy's face cleansing mud, I cannot tell to this day. All I know is I woke up and my face, neck, and chest were covered in poo.
Forgetting about my own condition - we, men, have that instinct too - I screamed and yanked her to the bathroom to give her a bath. Her mom arrived at this moment and burst out laughing. Why do women enjoy giving men the now-you-know-what-mothers-go-through look at moments like this?
She offered to clean me up too. I asked her to take pictures of me. Pictures? I said yes, I wanted evidence against the young lady who covered my face with poo. Years down the road, one young man will put one leg after another leg and come to me saying, Daddy I have come to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. I will produce photo evidence of the crime of his fiancee and seek reparations.
Her mom said go and sit down for one corner jor. Have you any idea what you in particular must have done to Mama Adesanmi? Spoilt last born and only son o. Let's phone mama and ask. We called mama and asked if I ever covered her with poo and urine as a baby.
I have zero memory of Mama Adesanmi ' s answer.
All I know is that I salute me and all the other daddies out there enjoying similar reminiscences today. The Agama lizard that jumped from the high iroko tree says he will praise himself if nobody does.
Awa daddy na n try sha.
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