Chris Huhne, His Mistress and The Platform Repartee By Faseyiku

Nigeria's Senate

The unfailingly entertaining and erudite Pius Adesanmi grabbed his audience at The Platform on October 1, the day Nigeria celebrated her 55th post independence birthday, wooing his audience about the metaphor of what we all miss about Nigeria. If truth be told, what we in the diaspora miss about Nigeria is the "I can get away with it" mindset. We miss not being afraid of the policeman (unless he is cocking his rifle). That is because we can always flash shekels in front of him and have him give us a salutation. We miss our road rages. We can always shout ourselves hoarse at the driver of the car in front or beside us and rain expletives on them. We miss not being afraid of a judge because we can always lie barefacedly in front of a judicial officer and in some case intimidate him or her, even right in front of the bench. We can use the instrumentality of the executive office to trample on anything and get away with it. We miss hearing or saying that short sentence: "Do you know who I am?"
When Mr. Abubakar Bukola Saraki was hauled before the Code of Conduct Tribunal, he contemptuously offered to lecture the court despite being in the dock. You would have expected a more contrite person bowing before the court of justice. But reports actually indicated that no less than thirty senators accompanied him to the Tribunal to intimidate the Honourable Judge obviously. When his wife was dragged before the EFCC, she had no less than ten serving members of the senate as her bodyguards. Ostensibly to intimidate the EFCC into submission and let the officers of the EFCC know "who I am". I was reliably informed last night that a Nigerian comedian said at least eighty-three serving senators, no less than two hundred house of representative members, about four hundred and fifty local government chairmen and their wives and twenty-six state governors have already indicated that they will be accompanying Mrs Desinatu Alison-Madueke to the Charing Cross Police Station in London on Monday when her next visit to the UK authorities is scheduled for. At the moment, the price of an airticket to the UK on most airlines plying Abuja-Europe route has shot through the roof because the demand far outstrips supply according to information reaching me. A particularly trenchant rabble-rouser informs me that traditional rulers from the six-geopolitical zones are also coming with their retinue of royal aides and accoutrement in solidarity with their counterpart from Mrs. Desinatu's home town. More vests with "Live Desinatu Alone" have been printed and are selling fast in Central London. I even gathered that some members of the Peace Committee are also coming to Charing Cross come Monday the 5th of October.

This is the drama that we miss about Nigeria. Indeed, the egregious part of our character and makeup that we should hate with passion is what we love and desire. The part that is irresponsibly oppressive and hurts everyone down the road is what we salivate about when we think of home.

And that is what brings me to the career of Mr. Chris Huhne. Mr. Huhne, at the height of his political career, was the British energy minister. He was a powerful and an influential member of the ruling class. In 2003, Mr Huhne, driving with his wife, was caught speeding. I am sure many will say "Just ordinary speeding?". But, yes, it was just ordinary speeding. He then got his then wife Vicky Pryce to pick the penalty points for his offence and everything seems fine. No big deal, anyone would say. Afterall, penalty points get wiped off after a few years anyway and it is regarded as a common misdemeanour. Both husband and wife were in the car and justice has served the penalty to someone anyway. Ten years later, he got his comeuppance. In May 2011, it came to light that someone else had taken a punishment meant for another. But Mr. Huhne repeatedly denied the accusation. Finally in 2003, the whole truth came out and Mr. Huhne was not only disgraced but spent his time in jail. His offences included obstructing/perverting the course of justice. In addition, he had to bear the cost of his defence and was almost bankrupted. It did not matter that he was a high flying politician. The law is a leveller of sort in the United Kingdom and the bench is the exclusive terrain of justice. The most remarkable thing about the Chris Huhne affair was first what Nick Clegg the LibDem leader said: "it's essential that the legal process is [now] allowed to run its course." And then followed by what Chris Huhne's son said: "Accept it or face the consequences."

Let us hope we can have a country where justice serves the country and all its people rather than a place to punish the weak and undefended. The Saraki affair must be allowed to run its normal and full course and to do so in a timely manner. If it has to go as far as the Supreme Court, so be it. It is essential that Mr. Saraki be allowed to fully avail himself of the remedy of the law provided that if any of his prayers were found to be frivolous he would similarly be made to bear the brunt of wasting the time of the court(s) and be fined and his legal team disciplined. Let's hope the forgery in the Senate can also be speedily dealt with in the court of law. Let's hope cliches like "political solution" is eliminated in our dictionary because such solution only work for the political class and not for the masses. Let's hope we can all start to hate the wrong things in our country and push ourselves into the same level of conformity that comes natural to us in foreign lands. Let's start seeing more Chris Huhnes in Nigeria. It's a development that will help our nation. Let's thank Pius for reminding us of how to hate our nation into greatness.