Surviving Buhari's second coming is like Friday the 13th, everyday By Viola Ifeyinwa Okolie

As I drove out of the compound this morning, the steering wheel felt a bit wobbly in my hands. I got down and checked and lo and behold, I had picked up a nail and the tyre was as flat as a pancake.

The spare was emmm, well, I do hope my FRSC and VIO friends are not reading this post today.

So I wasted close to two hours trying to sort out the car problems.

Consequently, someone got to school a bit late and I had to go in and obtain an excuse slip blablabla.
So I thought to myself, you have already missed the two dance classes at the gym, why don't you just go and get fuel and then you can go use the treadmill or something.

Today is Friday the 13th.

The queue was not too long, about 50 cars.

The staff however were powerless to control the crowd. Believe me, NOBODY was tipping them, but EVERYBODY was acting like their father owned the station.
At some point, I felt I was acting the teacher's pet with my hand constantly up and pointing out people who were shunting the queue, driving in through the out gate, etc...

I would have bought from the black market but I got my first Friday the 13th scare when I was offered 10 litres for N3,500.

No joking.

So I patiently maintained my place on the queue, and watched amused as a shunter who had been denied further shunting rights, appointed himself the chief whip of the fuel queue and was trying to force new shunters to maintain "law and order".

Don't you just love Nigerians?

Four hours later, one full tank and a 5litre keg for the generator, I was almost running late for school pick up so I headed in that direction.

And for once, I watched my fuel gauge like a hawk. If it had dared to move faster than I thought it should, I would have parked the car and flogged it with koboko.

At N145 per litre, that fuel better last forever o.

And so when I finally dragged myself down to the gym, my body felt like it ran a marathon. I felt bruised, battered and broken. I looked at the treadmill and said:

"Die another day boo. You don win today battle. Tuale".

I showered and departed the gym. Broken.

Today is Friday the 13th.

Beht you know your government is determined to break you when you lay on your bed at home, covered in a layer of dusting powder and counting down the minutes till you have to go and switch off the generator.

Today is day 7 without government fire.

Good news - your snooty "I have an inverter, why don't you?" neighbour's inverter was fully discharged three days ago. They fired up one ogbatumtum generator like that two days ago. They no longer make small talk with "for a generator this small, it sure generates a lot of noise", while eyeing your I better pass my neighbour model.

You have just dashed their dog all the protein in your freezer. Yeye dog that always barks at you as if him sontin lost for ya hand. Ate all your dying proteins today and did not have the good grace to look grateful.

Useless dog.

You have also gotten adept at introducing that most versatile of proteins, boiled eggs, into the most unexpected of recipes. Eg: Eba with okro soup and boiled egg.

Surviving Buhari's second coming is like Friday the 13th, everyday.

Dear Minister Fashola,

Please may I have your son's phone number? I would like to examine his heat rash from a closer range.

Maybe compare his one solitary humongous heat rash with the millions you have bequeathed us. I wager he doesn't use dusting powder for the sort of rash he has now, but I do.

And dusting powder has doubled in price now.

One more reason to love the Buhari Administration.

Sai Baba!

Regards,

Ope Ra Chanji...